Live a Better Life by Saying Yes to Yourself
Are you unhappy with where you are in life (professional or otherwise), but have been sticking it out in hopes of becoming successful?
Well, what if you could be happy right where you are AND be on your way to success?
Now, I know what you may be thinking:
You don’t know what would make you happy, what you’d want to be doing, and what would be considered a success.
If you do know, then there is something blocking you from actually taking the leap.
What is that block, you ask?
The block is hidden within you and your thoughts.
Let me explain.
Think back to when you were a kid.
How often did you do or say something just because you wanted to do or say that?
Always!
When I was a kid, I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
I would ride my bike and razor with my neighbors whenever I wanted.
I was an extremely picky eater! So whenever anyone gave me anything to eat that did not fit my very strict expectations, I would not eat it, and would cry for hours about it.
No one could get me to eat anything I did not want to eat.
It is true when they say kids have no filter.
But then what happens?
We were put through school.
OK maybe some of you loved school. But there were definitely some aspects that you did not love but had to put up with.
Why did we put ourselves through that?
At first, it was because our parents dropped us off and that was that.
But over time, we learned that our parents knew what was best for us, and our teachers knew some things that we should be learning. School taught us how to become functional adults in society (or so it seemed).
By the time we got to high school, school became a given.
And then we are asked, “Where are you going to college? What do you think you will study? What kind of job do you think you will get?”
And these questions have this underlying assumption that we will be going to college, we will pick a major that we are happy with, and we will get a job in some traditional sense of the word.
So over time, our expectations of what life we want to live were outlined by other people.
The outline was school, school, school, college, degree, job.
The choice was in which college, which degree, and which job.
Then what?
Then, we find ourselves with an expensive college degree in some area that we were (or were not) interested in and working a job that should be making us successful.
But is that what we actually want?
Maybe, maybe not.
And that is OK.
Over the course of our lives, we look up to those who are both closest to us and inspire us.
And those people will tell us what they think may be best for us based on their own lived experience.
So we strive to live the life that they prescribe, thinking that if it worked for them, it should work for us too!
But in our effort to find our life’s direction from people we trust “know better than us,” we lose our own willingness to say yes to what we truly want.
So now in your adult life, in between work, family, and our social appearances:
How often do you do or say something just because you wanted to?
How often do you feel safe to do or say what actually feels good to you?
My guess would be less often than you would like, huh?
Definitely less often than when you were a kid.
Now, I’m not saying that you should cry when you are asked to do something that you do not want to do!
But, saying yes to what you want and what makes you feel good will allow you to bring that into your life.
For those of us who have been listening to others who we think know better, it can be hard to call your true wants into our consciousness.
So I have a couple of suggested steps you can take to get started.
First, be kind to yourself.
It can stir up a lot of emotions to realize that maybe you aren’t happy with living the life you worked so hard to get.
And that is OK.
Take some time to sit with those emotions, whatever is coming up for you, and learn what wisdom they may be holding.
Some things I like to do to reflect on tough emotions are:
Journal - I’m an avid writer. My thoughts and emotions make much more sense when I put pen to paper. So I love to do stream of consciousness journaling and learn from myself that way.
Meditation - Meditation is a great way to slow down, especially for those of us who think at 1000 thoughts a second! Taking the time to slow down can reduce the overwhelm and take you into a state of true reflection and acceptance.
Talking to Yourself - This may sound strange. But standing in front of a mirror or recording yourself speaking about your emotions is a great way to get those thoughts out of your head and into the world. This can especially be great for those who process thoughts through verbal expression.
These are just a handful of activities you can do.
But the main point here is to curb any negative self-talk or judgment and get really curious about what it is that you actually want, how do you actually want to feel, and what sort of impact do you actually want to have.
There is no time like the present to start thinking of yourself.
Second, say yes to small actions to build up to the bigger ones.
It can be really scary to completely change your life if you realize that what you want is completely different than where you are today.
For example, say you are working at a prestigious Fortune 500 company doing software engineering,
But really you would love to work in entertainment as a writer.
It can feel like a HUGE leap to quit your job, move to Los Angeles, and try to make it as a writer right away.
But saying yes to smaller actions, like joining a writer’s group or starting a portfolio of short stories, can be a way for you to start saying yes. And it will make that bigger leap less scary.
Third, share your vision with others!
It is one thing to live in your own world of wants and dreams.
It is another thing entirely to make those dreams come to reality.
The simple act of telling people what you want is a great first step in transforming your reality.
Because people, even the ones that know you best, cannot read your mind.
So if you let people in on your hopes and dreams, they will be supportive because they care about you and want you to live your best life.
They may ask some questions if they are unsure about your dream.
And, yes, that is a form of thinking they know better than you.
But they do it because they are looking out for you and they may not know another way to show it.
So when these objections come up when you share your dreams and wants, thank them for the question and use that to even further solidify your vision.
So I want to leave you with the challenge of saying yes to yourself, your dreams, your vision of success, and your idea of purpose and fulfillment. What will you be saying yes to? Let me know in the comments below!
